Without listening to the children, she said ‘Clean the room first’. Harsh mumbled something while he was trying to give, and Rohit, his friend, smiled at that. Aishwarya felt that insult. After getting angry with both of them, Rohit started picking up the bag to go home. Infuriated by this, Harsh said something rudely. Then the war of Mother-Son started.
Aishwarya read his mistakes. He also said, ‘Why should I listen to you forever ? You don’t even do my favorite dishes.’ Etc. Etc.. The debate broke out.
“You won’t get a new dress for your birthday if you behave like that,” Mom reached out.
“Then I will cut your new dress too,” retorted Aishwarya with a slap. But Harsh did not cry. He stood firm, thrusting his chest forward as if in challenge.
Aishwarya, who was weak, was now crying in anger.
Why does the lovely boy who follows you so cutely until the next day give a damn now ?
Today we were also raised. How to deal with it?
Is this the behavior of children coming of age? She was annoyed.
Finally she called her Family Doctor at ‘Chaitanya Homoeopathic Clinic’ and they made an appointment the next day.
She said, “Doctor, I really don’t know how to deal with Harsh these days. Why is such a sweet boy suddenly rude ?
Laziness in studies, no discipline, only vacations now. Treats his dad a little better.
But why animosity towards his mother ? What can we do ?” me
After Aishwarya’s questions and enthusiasm calmed down, the doctor said, “Don’t be so cocky. Many children change their behavior at this age of puberty. They are also angry that the Mother makes a change.”
I (the doctor) further explained to them that, “What is our need after the needs of food, clothing, shelter ? Then SELF-IDENTITY. Similarly, to be important in our world is also an emotional need of children.
Some children automatically understand that by being good, by helping others, they get recognition and appreciation from the world. They behave in such a positive way.
Some children, however, do not get as much importance from others, either because of their Temperament, the Environment outside the home or something else. The road to recognition is lost.
Then they get a sense of ‘SELF-IDENTITY’.
I mean, something like, “Some kids think I’m the boss. Everyone has to listen to me. I don’t have anything to say.” Even after seeing the bigness that children get from being bullied in school, ‘big only if I win’ is sure. If a screamer in the house dominates, everyone listens to them in fear, even if they see them, that importance of children becomes the definition of “significance”.
Your child may not behave this way every time. If you go to say something with authority, ‘I’m the boss, I don’t want to say no’, it will come up.
When children wake up to the ‘power game’ – I will win, conflict, conflict becomes a necessity. Because how will they win without a war ?
A situation is created or made to fight, that they will win again and again, prove. So what do kids do, when an argument starts, they unknowingly put a sword in your hand, which they know you will take.
In yesterday’s fight, “You don’t do what I like…I’ll cut off your dress…” hurt you deeply. Such a hurtful, annoying sentence was a sword in your hand to the children. By giving him a chance to win. You didn’t know it. He was wounded by his unexpected blows. And now he won the same way Supposedly it gains importance and you get agitated and the Mahabharata begins and after every fight you feel like an unmitigated loser.
“What should be done for that ?” Aishwarya asked.
“For that you need to understand your son’s need to win. He is not acting like this to annoy you. It is from a natural need to gain ‘significance’.
So you have to be careful, remembering that he is going to hand over the sword. Don’t take the sword at all. The boy is big now.”
Even though it is still small ! As the building is done, but the wiring of the brain is going on. So, at this sensitive stage, one should experience how one can create one’s identity.”
I mean, “Disobeying, making mistakes, are the ‘triggers’ of children. Stop it. Make it clear that I’m not interested in arguing with you. It’s okay to admit that you can’t beat him in an argument.
After you’ve sheathed your sword, “Now how ? This is the right time to suggest an alternative to fighting, I mean, I need a little help, will you ? , when trust is gained, the need for ‘Power Games’ is reduced.
That is, “He doesn’t want to be small and appreciate the responsibility done… then give the next responsibility.” You raised your hand on your son in front of his friend ! We should definitely say ‘unconditional sorry’ for that. It is not fair to raise our hands because we are big. Talk to him that you are also sorry for hurting him. Because you hurt me, then I will hurt you too, the ‘Hurt Game’ happens unconsciously. If you recall yesterday’s episode, you will see both ‘Power’ and ‘Hurt’.
Aishwarya asked, “Does this theory apply to adults too ?”
I said, “Of course!” This is what happens when an adult’s ‘SELF-IDENTITY’‘ becomes trapped in the convenient definitions of childhood. In close relationships, both of them know exactly each other’s sensitive and painful places. Even when there is tension in social relations at home, ‘Power’ and ‘Hurt’ play can occur.”
Then adults have to ask themselves questions.
For example –
- ‘What is my need behind such behavior ?
- What is the need of the other person ?
- What is the exact message going to each other from the behavior ? And
- What results do I want from this ?
Once you get into the habit of finding answers to these questions, the chakras stop spinning. While understanding and using this theory, everyone’s guess, everyone’s understanding will be different, for sure ! Big men are not innocent. So the solution has to be a little different…”